Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
