u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
