i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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