no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
