He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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