JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
3pm strippers are depressing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
