He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
