If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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