i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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