There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
