cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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