dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
