Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
