she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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