i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
