I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
