sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
