We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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