True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
