if i can run in heels then i can drive
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
