I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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