i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
