Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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