he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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