you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
