WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
