ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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