im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
