weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
