home. puking in laundry basket.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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