I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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