dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
