you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
