Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
