Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
barbara walters just said penis...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
