yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
