He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
