we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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