so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
