where am i from again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
