i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
