Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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