so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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