If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
