Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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