A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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