other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
