The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
