I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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