I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
