I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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