Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
